Singlish!

It's 3am. (It was actually 2am but if typed that it would sound too much like that song Amaze) . I'm standing in front of my room window, panels flung wide open. It's a really clear night. If I strain my eyes I can probably see tomorrow. The air is crisp and fresh and the fading growl of a motorbiker with a deathwish on the ECP jars the silence a bit.

I think to myself "Wah. Tonight damn nice. Air fresh fresh. Sio hoonkie lor."

I decide to have a late night insomnia-induced smoko. Ciggie pack in left hand, I whip out my last stick with my right hand and in my sleep-deprived stupor I fling my cigarrette out the window and try to light my cigarette pack.

I stare dumbfoundedly at the empty packet I'm trying to stuff into my mouth and exclaim in a slightly muffled voice "WAH! I'm how dumb can!"

I look out my window and watch my last smoke gracefully pirouette it's way to the ground and as is so often the case, my thoughts wander to distract myself from the emotional trauma of watching it's impact oupon the ground. (OK so I couldn't actually see it hit, but it was a 24 storey drop and I have a good imagination.)

I realised I was actually thinking in Singlish. These are my thoughts from this point onwards.

"Wow. I can actually think in Singlish."
"It should be my second language."
"MOE would never recognise it as a second language."
"Why isn't Singlish even a dialect?"
"Because foreigners can still understand it!"

Singapore is supposedly lacking in a cultural identity. Let's make one.
Let's totally fuck up spoken English so badly, nobody but Singaporeans can understand it.

"eh kanina waddafuglol lor. your say england damn buang ftl one leh."

Stuff like this. It'll be awesome. We could even split the dialects into north east and west sides! If any linguists reading this have any ideas, mail me. This might actually be fun.

Yeah I know this is bloody random. I don't care.

I go buy hoonkie liao.