The Hacker Manifesto

/*This was written by The Mentor in 1986 and earned more notoriety after being quote by the movie Hackers in 1995. I understand a version 4.0 of The Hacker Manifesto has been in circulation. It's Crap. Hacking was never political. To the uninitiated (quite frankly this means most of you) Learn what Hacker really means first. */

#include

int main()
{
printf ("

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...

Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...

Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."

Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I'm a smart ass.. Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...

Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..." I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...

Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.");

return 0;

/*This is how we really thought, felt, believed. The hacker subculture was the urban version of the hippie revolution 10 years late. I first discovered this in 1996 on a BBS with my 9600 bps suprafax modem. Singtel tore down the BBS 2 weeks later.

For The Hacker, The Gamer, The Designer, The Artist, The Actor, The Unexpressive People, The Ones Who Scream At The Gods For Getting It Wrong, this sentiment carries across the board.

For those to whom this article has relevance, I am Cyb3rst0rm later known as Cyanide.*/

}

Spiderman, Iron Man and The Hulk

I know I'm slow, but this is just so cool.

I Like To See What I Breath

As every smoker will attest to, smoking is less of an addiction than it is a habit. The addictive urge is easier suppressed then we let on. It takes decades to truly get hooked in my opinion. What really kills us is not having anything to do when, well, when there's nothing to do.

Since everybody likes lists as opposed to walls of text, here's why smokers smoke...

1. Smoking is the best short-term self-reward program we concoct, i.e. "I'll give myself a smoke break as soon as I finish this e-mail." I believe this is where the myth that smoking relieves stress comes from. Smoking actually chemically elevates stress levels. Stress is a mental thing, however, so whatever works then.
   
2. Smoking facilitates social dynamics. Nothing breaks the ice or bonds people faster than a smoke break. "Wanna go for a smoko? Oh, you smoke sampoerna? I used to smoke that. They're awesome. Can I have one?" A smoker joins a new company or social group knowing that all the smokers will quickly become his friends.
3. Smoking expedites public transportation. Every smoker knows taxis and busses never appear until you light up that stick. So the trick is to head to pick-up point, wait for 2 minutes and then light up. Instantly 5 taxis will appear. Light a cuban cigar and the CEO of the LTA will pick you up personally.
4. Beer tastes so much better with a cigarette.
5. Cigarettes provide energy boosts. The best 2.4km runners are almost always smokers.
6. With the ban of smoking in clubs, I'm sure "Wanna step outside for a quick one?" is a feasible pickup line now. Guys, let me know.
   *Note: Make sure target is a smoker as well first. Or not. Depends on what kind of smoko she has in mind.
   
7. Smoking is a lifestyle. Some people go to winepubs after work. Some people love their coffee/beer/etc. We like our kopitiams and hoonkie. Once again, social bonding.
   
8. Cigarettes are just so good after dirty sex...
9. Civic Conscientiousness! Smokers shit and smoke and stoners smoke shit. Either way, your toilets soon smell better. Would you rather walk into a smoke-filled toilet cubicle or a a cubicle stinking of shit? It is always a well known fact that the combination of fumes are conducive to creative thinking. Archimedes was probably on a bowl with a cigar instead of his bath when he screamed Eureka! Damn the censors... (thanks Mars)
   

I'm sure I missed out lots. Gimme more!

Lost Words...

Guys,

If any of you remember my speech at Montie's wedding, make a reply here. I cannot, for the life of me, remember what I said.

Courtesy of Mia Tan

I’ve dated many gamers. Countless.

Unreal Tournament, Diablo, World of Warcraft, Streets of London, Age of Conan, you name it i’ve dated it.

And no, I don’t date Counter Strike Bengs.

I only date REAL MEN who play REAL ROLE-PLAYING GAMES.

These men are PASSIONATE (about their game), STEADFAST in love (with their online character) and LOYAL (to their battle mates).

All the traits I’ve checked off on a list for my perfect man.

Gamers almost never cheat on their partners. Because they have no time to.
They rush home after movies to battle with their team.
They hurry through dinner to complete a new mission.
They play well into the early hours of the morning, lacking sleep they result in grumpiness, short tempers, unkempt other halves.

It doesn’t take another physical human being to steal your boyfriend, it can also come in the form of a cyber character.

So as i frag one gamer boyfriend after another, they all still seem to respawn around me.

Like they say, if you can’t beat them, join them.

P.S i’ve always wondered, who’s they anyway?!

From the blog of Mia Tan and Superstar

Of Weddings and Red Packets...

Social Failures.

In every large scale event a few of them always turn up.

They are usually:

• Very career-oriented
• Consider themselves classy
• Think very highly of their own opinions and believe in absolutes
  
• Materialistic
• Listen to your opinions but usually think they are wrong and
• You can never call them out for a mistake

When you get invited to a wedding, the invitation card has RSVP on it.

When it says "You are cordially invited. RSVP.", it does not mean that a RESERVUP cordial will be served at the wedding. RSVP stands for Répondez, s'il vous plaît. It means Respond If You Please. That's essentially a nice way of saying "We just sent you a bloody nice card. That took effort. If you wish to grace us with your over-inflated ego and would actually like us to prepare food for you then please make the fucking effort to tell us."

I was best man for a wedding recently. 'Best man' is another word for 'Wedding Coordinator'. For those of you who think that you have 'organised' a wedding for a friend, please understand that all you did was 'help out with certain tasks'.

Irksome Incident #1

A prudish-looking lady goes up to reception and doesn't find her name on the register and gets angry.

Reception girls ask "May I have your name, ma'am?"
Prude: " No my name's not there. What game are you all trying to play?"

Back and forth, back and forth, still won't give name. Recep girl runs for help. Me.

Me: Evening Ma'am. Are you acquainted with the bride or groom?
Prude: No ah...why is my name not on the list?
Me: (You can't find it cos it's upside down to you, stupid) May I have your invitation card please?
Prude: I didn't bring it. What do you want it for?
Me: So I can try to check your name with my list. May I have your name then, Ma'am.
Prude: Why should I? My name should be there!
Me: Yes but we have to search for your name.
Prude: I don't know what game you are trying to play young man. You'd better call the bride up here right now!
Me: I can't do that. She's getting ready. Err Did u RSVP?
Prude: Why should I do that? I was invited!

Mein Gott...

Irksome Incident #2 (via MSN)

				Annoyant				i din noe the dinner was not a chinese dinner!
				Annoyant				My date and i bao quite big leh
				Shade				err so?
				Shade				i dont see the connection
				Annoyant				we gauged by the amount
				Annoyant				as in the venue
				Annoyant				so we gave 150
				Annoyant				and the dinner was....
				Annoyant				not a chinese dinner

The conversation carries on with me questioning if she is implying that she didn't get her money's worth. She denies this by challenging me to cut and paste the part where she actually states this.

I don't think I need to.

She then goes on to say that she actually checked online for the price of a Chinese wedding dinner at the location and packed that accordingly. She thinks that the price listed is the exact amount that's paid per person. Basic Budgeting. Fail. But the fact that she under-valued her Ang Pao isn't what bothers me. Her complaining that it wasn't a Chinese dinner is.

And if said person dares to come here and tell me that isn't what she was implying then I beg the opinion of every reader here to tell it as you see it.

I had another friend who couldn't attend because she was 'too broke for the ang pao'.

Since when did attending a wedding dinner become all about the ang pao. You are invited to share in the joy of the newly wedded love birds. Whether you give a big ang pao is irrelevant; it's supposed to represent a well-wish. What matters most is that you are important enough to be invited and the happy couple want to see you in what is possibly the biggest event of their lives. Is it so hard to make that effort?

Her: "Wah! she only give $20!"
Him: "She's from your side of the family you know."

To these couples I say "I hope you get divorced soon."
People like this do not cherish the event.

Since when did weddings become a money-making racket? If really was about the money, I'd get married every month, go on a honeymoon with the proceeds from the wedding and get divorced, thereafter splitting the profits with the new ex-wife.

I see why divorces are on the rise these days.