525,600 Seasons of Suicide (Where Shade Discovers Ctrl+B)

HOLY HOMICIDAL HOMO-SAPIENS BATMAN!

What the fuck is up with this sudden surge in people coming up to me and going:


"Keith...should I kill myself? I really really wanna kill myself"
or
"Keith...should I get doped up? I can't face life!"
or
"I want to become a monk. No really. I'm serious. This world is too much for me. I can't face it anymore. I wanna hide up in a little cave and blah blah blah".


"Why?"


"My boss treats me like shit."
"I think my boyfriend might be cheating on me."
"I lost my phone."
"My girl whom I refused to give a commitment to doesn't wanna be with me anymore."
"I don't know which guy to choose and I'm guilt-ridden."
"My goldfish died."
and my all-time favourite...
"I wanna kill myself because I need love."

"..."

At this point I /wrists.

SERIOUSLY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
You come to me telling me that you want to fuck your own self over because you got fucked over?
I understand about overriding emotions, hormonal imbalances and depression but the one distinguishing feature that differentiates humans from animals is the ability to USE THAT BRAIN.

Welcome to Shade's 3 Step Program.
There is a problem.
1) Identify it.
2) Fix it.
3) Get over it.


It's not as if somebody died. (Goldfish/hamster doesn't count). I say again...you want to fuck your own self over because you got fucked over?
All this tells me is you're a Dramattention* whore. You want the attention and because you want your problem to be the single biggest tragedy since Walker, Texas Ranger your decide to go for the over-dramatic approach.

You want my attention? "Keith! You'll never guess what happened! My boss just stole my handphone and had sex with my best friend's girlfriend's pet goldfish! And it died from anal trauma! And now he won't take responsibility!"

Don't do the big dramatic opening with me please.

It makes me want to /wrists x 525600 (cos I don't really wanna die. It's just a dramatic response.)