Flu Sucks

I have the flu. I've got it BAD. Cough, blocked nose, really sore throat, green phlegm and worse of all BODYACHE. I've got the works. Now, I'm a tough guy. I'm so tough, the cats don't piss at the spots I've just pissed on. If I piss on a cat it's never gonna mate again. WTF am I going on about?

Ok so anyway this flu has got me beat. Here's a checklist so you know whether your flu is as bad as mine and you should go to work or just curl up in bed and give in to debilitation.

1. Your body ache is so bad, your left testicle hurts.
2. Your mum places a pink Hello Kitty tissue box by your bedside and you don't mind.
3. You try to stand up and you fall over from giddiness.
4. You try to stand up again and the muscles in your legs give out.
5. Smoking seems like a bad idea.
6. Beer sounds like a bad idea.
7. You can't tell who's calling your cell phone cos your eyes can't focus.
8. The residential handicapped parking lot now has your name on it.
9. You wonder why December is so hot and your friends tell you it's the coldest December in years...
10. You actually look forward to eating porridge.
11. You look forward to going back to work.
12. Even the thought of jerking off is too tiring.
13. You take an hour to write a post with 15 points and only end up with 13.

I'm tired. Goodnight

edit: You know you're really sick when you try to set a date to get laid with fruits...